Society today has an interesting opinion on age, especially when it comes to dating. Older men and younger women is a pretty old concept. It’s a standard among all cultures. It is not a surprising event, men are capable of fathering children for their entire lives. Meanwhile us women have a very limited window to create life.
Compounding our ‘expiration date’ and a modern society where women are either forced into the workforce or chose to focus on their careers, well, we end up with successful professional women who are childless.
In the greater scheme of the world, this isn’t really a horrible thing. It’s just a fact that biology has us on one timeline and society pushes another.
I fall into that category but I did this by my own accord. That is another story for another time.
This post is about age.
Men have always had the luxury of dating younger. For men it’s always a point of pride to have a younger hotter girl. Trade in the older one for a newer, typically dumber, model. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
I don’t have an issue with it. If a man is that insecure that he needs a younger girl to enhance his ego then so be it.
Now did that sound jaded? It’s not. For a lot of men, it really is about ego and feeling desirable.
But it’s rare to find a man who is secure in his masculinity, secure in himself to want to be with a woman, not a girl. For that man, a complex woman, an equal partner is desired not avoided.
Now that’s the man I want in my life, the kind that appreciates a woman for her strength, not seeking a girl for validation.
But let’s flip this. For women we get chastised and labeled if we date outside our age range. Cougar is the most common term. Some women wear it with pride, others avoid it.
Personally I find the term annoying but not offensive. In different cultures men are the ones labeled.
My favorite is the Eastern European term: Chicken Meat.
Yes, that is the term used for a younger man dating an older woman. I think it’s hilarious, uncalled for, but a very strange term indeed.
Now I have been in relationships with men older and younger than me. Even by large gaps. And never once has that ever bothered me.
I see my partner as a man who enhances who I am, and I in turn enhance him. For that there is no age difference or requirement.
I don’t see age as a factor. I never have. To me the quality of the person and the nature of the relationship is the only thing that actually matters. If I am older so what? If I am younger, who cares?
If the match is good, then isn’t that the only thing that matters?
And for the most part the answer is yes. The only time this becomes a factor is when children are involved. I can absolutely understand that could be a factor.
But if that is the case then there are options. If two people want children, there is always the possibility, and it is a very big possibility in modern society, that infertility is a real issue regardless of age. So let’s not blame it all on the ladies ok?
Many women suffer infertility or complications. I happen to be one. I may or may not ever be able to have kids. I simply don’t know. I am told by my doctor that it’s possible but that I am ‘high-risk’ whatever that means.
But as time slips by the chances become smaller and smaller regardless of my ‘risk factor’.
Now let’s not be depressed about it, shall we? There are options, it’s not an all or nothing concept.
I guess for me that is the only consideration I really think about when entering a relationship with a younger man. I don’t want to rob him of something as beautiful as children.
Perhaps someday I will find a guy I want to have kids with, and I will try every last option available to me to do it. But the reality is I need to accept that it may not work. And is that fair to him?
That is not a decision I can make. Only he can make that choice.
Only he can decide if that is a deal breaker.
Or if he is willing to try, or use an egg donor, a surrogate, or even adopt…. All options, but for a man, I get the impression it is about legacy not about love.
You can love a child not of your own genetic profile, and there are plenty of abandoned kids in the world needing to be loved. But I get the perception there is a twinge or resentment raising a child not of their own lineage.
I could be completely wrong, and of course that is subjective to every man. I can only judge by conversations I have had with friends and other men in my life.
Women tend not to see those distinct lines, our nature is to care for any child in need, regardless of whether it is ours or not. That is the beauty of our gender, our compassion and love has no limits.
So men have this luxury of time. Women do not.
I think that is why there is that ever pervasive approval for men to date younger women. It is their biological right to father children anywhere they can.
Reversely it is the reason that women who date younger men are scorned or labeled because they dare rob a young man of his legacy.
A double standard for sure.
Love is most certainly blind, but she wears a wrist watch.
Tick-tock, tick-tock, motherfucker.