So what’s stirring tonight….. Interesting question. No definitive answer.
I feel like if I had a magic 8 ball, which I really wish I had one… it would say Outcome Uncertain.
I feel like this is an open letter- but why? What’s the point? I do the same thing over and over and somehow expect there to be a different outcome.
I sit, I write, I delete.
Ironically I write because I want to be seen. Yet I write in a hidden place, and then delete it. So what’s the point? Really?
I want to say a million things. I want to pour my heart out and just let it bleed…. But again why? Nobody cares, it’s not important, it doesn’t change anything…. Other than just purging a moment, makes people uncomfortable, and life moves on with just getting some weird side glance… the kind that says it all….. Bitch is crazy.
Ironically I am as sane as anyone can be. I just see things differently and express it differently. I fall outside the norm, I am clearly outside the lines of polite society. Sadly I have to dance and exist inside the lines, even if I would be much happier living outside convention.
I used to keep an online journal, writing this out in the open, letting it exist. But there came a point where I realized this became too easy to find me. Not that I care, but I don’t want the threats. I don’t want to have to hide again, live back under my rock waiting for someone to target me.
Yeah, that happened more than I can count. Stalkers are a strange lot, the laws won’t help you till you’ve been seriously injured. I know. It’s not something I want to invite.
I probably would be braver if I wasn’t alone. But alas, so be it. When you live alone, nobody will hear you scream.
Sad but true.