When the Universe knocks, open the door. That’s always been a phrase that served me well. See the ‘Universe‘ or ‘divine intervention‘, or whatever you chose to call it has always been the predominant force in my life.
Long before I understood the concept of being ‘present’, or before I was introduced to the idea of ‘awareness’ I already knew this. It was a deep part of me that was plugged into this ‘awareness’ long before anyone explained it to me.
There was always a deep and inexplicable connection between me and my surrounding space, it was knowing without asking. Now if this sounds completely wacky, well I don’t blame you for thinking it. It never was weird to me, it just always was.
I think of it like trying to explain water to a fish.
A fish has no idea it lives in water, it has no concept that this force is all around it, exerting pressures, creating flow and currents that either you go with or fight against.
It’s like that for people. When you try to explain this concept is something we all live in, it exerts pressures and forces on us, creates struggle or ease in our movements… it is all around us. But so few recognize it or can feel it.
I can feel it. I can feel it around me, and I can feel it as a connection with other people.
I can even feel it in the residue left behind by those who are gone, it is a lingering energy that I can perceive. I’ve always been this way, I have been able to feel this since i was a child.
It used to creep my mother out, as a baby I would wake up singing. When I was an infant, I would wake up every day singing. Still to this day I sometimes wake up humming a tune I don’t know or don’t remember.
Mom would tell me how as an infant I would talk in that silly baby gibberish to the empty rocking chair in my room. Standing in my crib, just completely engrossed with an empty chair that would slowly rock, as if someone was actually there.
I don’t remember any of this, but it certainly is no surprise.
My mom and grandma were the same, they each had their own way of perceiving things, but it seemed to run in the family. As a kid I would run to the phone, back then corded phones with a rotary dial hung on the kitchen wall. I would run to the phone and pick it up before it even rang. And I would start talking. And everytime it was my grandma. I knew before the first ring of the bell. I just knew.
When I was in college I would do the same with my Mom. I knew she was calling before the phone rang. If I called her she did the same thing. This was normal to us, but apparently to the rest of the world it’s a bit freaky. I had no idea till a friend in college watched me and thought I was some incarnation of Satan.
In a different era I think I would have been burned at the stake.
So that’s a long introduction to my connection with this strange collective energy we all swim in.
Discount it as crazy if you wish, it wouldn’t be the first time nor the last.
Now you have an idea of my world, well the universe has been knocking lately and it’s been pretty loud. So much so that I know a big upheaval is coming, I just don’t know when.
It started about a year before my Mom died. I was her caregiver, and working from home at the time. The stress of that life was unbearable, but I have always been close to my Mom, leaving her in someone else’s care would never be an option to me.
I gave up everything in my life to make sure she was ok.
So while I am struggling with this emotionally and physically I decided to distract myself with learning a new language. I have always loved to travel and love languages. It’s something of an escape for me. I have incredible auditory perception, so picking up nuances in language has always been a fun game.
For some unknown reason I picked Korean. No reason, just happened to do it.
I think this was the first knock, but it was very subtle.
So I embarked on learning a language for fun, granted I picked one of the hardest according to the Department of Defense’s scale of Language learning. Seems I wanted to punish myself.
Well this was just fine. I was learning for the sake of distraction. It helped me cope, and left me humbled as this was the hardest thing I ever tried, making my Cyrllic language attempts look like kindergarten.
Things continued along without event until my mom died.
She died at home with me. I felt her leave, and I was devastated. My world detached and everything became abstract. I was finally alone.
Now I knew if there was another side to existence, my Mom would be back to make sure I was ok. I knew she would never allow the universe to abandon me. That is not how we roll in my family. We have always been a very tight, very protective lot, not even death would stop that.
Mom died at the end of July.
But I knew things would be different now. However it wasn’t exactly what I expected.
Almost immediately the Universe started up.
The packages started in about September.
It was a barrage of packages, things, needs, wants, all this stuff just showing up at my house. Things from nowhere, nobody, just things.
I got a giant box of Chanel for my birthday in October. I tried to return it, telling them there was a mistake. But they had no record of any order…. Nothing.
A gift from the universe.
Next came boots in November. My size, perfect fit- exactly what I would have ordered if I could afford the $300 price.
Again being the honest person I am, I contacted the company and told them the mistake.
Again no record, sorry. Keep them.
Ummm…. Ok.
In the fall my relationship fell apart. Realizing we weren’t right for each other, it just ended. Terrible timing, but is there a good time for a breakup?
So even more alone now. We still stayed friends, but it was clear, everything was changing. My world was expanding and contracting at the same time. It was a violent upheaval.
If you stuck with me so far you know:
- The Universe likes to play with my life
- My mom died in July
- Weird packages start showing up for me
- My relationship of 8+ years fell apart
Ok so you are up to speed. Now we start getting really weird
In early December, I started getting comments, in real life, not online. Weird comments out of the blue….. from people I know and don’t know.
If you get a comment from a client saying “Hey, just want to touch base so when you leave the country we have all things sorted”….. That’s one thing.
When you get another reply like “Hey when are you moving overseas?” from the person in the grocery store who you don’t know…. That’s a whole different level of weird.
And this continued…. To the point where in one weekend I had about 15 comments from people I don’t know asking me about when I am moving. And it started getting oddly specific.
Can you see where this is going? Remember back to my random pick of languages?
Oh yeah. We’re getting there.
So now I’m beginning to think I have a doppelganger going around telling people I am moving overseas. That must be the reason right? I mean why would anyone make that conclusion when I have never once talked about relocating.
Definitely odd. Definitely something up.
It’s before the holidays, and any chance to travel is squashed by my emotional state, I am just not ready to do anything let alone try to be functional. A few other weird universal coincidences started happening too. Those actually lead to a different story, but let’s just say, it was the most intense focused moment I have ever experienced. The kind you literally can’t ignore or brush off….
Next week I went to the vet with my cats.
The vet has known me for years. She knows everything about me, so imagine my shock when she walks in and tells me the papers are almost ready.
What papers?
Well the papers to take the cats to Korea when you move there, of course!
What the actual fuck?
Are you for real?
Never once have I ever uttered any word about moving overseas, nor to Korea. Ever. To anybody. Never even thought about it.
And here I am, getting handed a packet of papers about moving with animals to the other side of the globe.
My brain stopped working. I literally just stood there in shock. Clearly the Universe had stopped any attempt at subtlety. And I was now being informed by a long time friend that I need to plan a few months in advance because we need to get special permissions and papers prepared so I can take both cats with me to a country I never planned to go to.
Holy shit.
Oh and it keeps going. This isn’t the end of the story.
Now packages of Korean things start showing up. Again the gift of the universe concept. From nowhere from nobody.
The best was about 5 kilos of Kimchi. That was an experience.
Mind you I have not committed to moving anywhere yet. Moving is a massive undertaking. So if the universe plans to pull this off, I need a new job or something to give me the freedom to do this.
And what about Visas? The universe has yet to give me that solution to that conundrum. I am expected to move someplace with animals, just to have to leave every three months? That’s impractical on every level.
And what about my house? I own it, what am I supposed to do about that?
The epic scale of this is completely beyond my comprehension.
So I am asking the universe for baby steps. Yes, outright asking. I can’t do this in one massive leap, nor can I do this alone…. This is so much more complicated and overwhelming than what I can shoulder by myself.
So the universe better have some plan for helping me, because I am strong, but I am not that strong.
Right now I am hoping to settle affairs and move to the city.
Giving myself some time to acclimate and understand where and what is happening.
If the universe is determined to launch me at Korea (God help those poor people) then I am game. But we do have some logistics to figure out before that can happen.
So I am waiting for the next piece of this puzzle from the universe.
I have absolutely no idea where this ends up. It’s a fascinating mystery.
However, if my Mother has anything to do with it…. it will turn out just perfect no matter where I end up.