Library
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For the Love of Orchids
I love orchids. I have them all over, and I am a sucker for searching them out anytime I go to the garden store. I immediately look for the broken, half dead orchids I can bring home and get them to gloriously bloom again. But it wasn’t always this way. I never got flowers. Ever. …
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Fun House Mirrors
I live in a world of personal distortion. I know it. I am not blind to my own warped sense of self perception. I grew up with the constant reminder that I was a grotesque. In the most literal sense of the word, I was the haunting gargoyle of a creature, keeping spirits away. It…
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Hip Scarves and Shimmy Belts
There are a few things I really miss about living in a big city. I miss the noise, the life, the bustle and energy of it all. But what I really miss is having options. I miss being able to do things, go places, and try different things. When I lived in Chicago I was…
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A Song for Exile
There is a wonderful song called Tamo Daleko. It is a beautiful song about being in exile from one’s homeland. It was the song played at the funeral of Nikola Tesla when he died. The song is from World War One, and tells the tales of a soldier who is in the Serbian Army. The…
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Dorian Grey has Nothing on Me!
Time is a fascinating concept. People use it to different advantages, to mark moments in life, as a scale of time gone by, spent, or remaining. It’s part of our everyday existence and yet the single most frustrating concept we have. Yes for literal meaning, there is a sun rise and a sun set. Days…
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Missing Me
A random post for today. I was thinking about how much I miss having a break. Yeah that thing people do, they go on a ‘holiday’ or ‘vacation’. Yeah, well it’s been years since I got one of those. So I am going to complain for a moment, but typically I love to travel. I…
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Eulogy for the Living
I don’t know where to start with this. It’s hard to type when your eyes sting and are swollen. My friend isn’t dead yet, the key word being yet. He’s decided that his life is worthless and nothing I can say or do will change that. I can’t undo years of pain and hardship. Nor…
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Broken Windows
First proposed by the late criminologist James Q. Wilson in 1982, the Broken Windows Theory of criminal justice holds that seemingly minor instances of social and physical disorder in urban spaces can contribute to an atmosphere of lawlessness that encourages more serious crimes. So in essence the Broken Window Theory is a visual signal that…
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Mambo Italiano
When I was working a dead end receptionist job after leaving my life behind to come home, I met a character that could only exist in the movies. Or so I thought, I never believed I would become the understudy to a mobster. So back in the day, I was pretty street smart but I…
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Mockingbird and Dunjia
What’s in a nickname? Well a lot of you really break it down. When I was growing up my nicknames were insults. I always looked older than I was. When I was a little kid I was expected to act more adult, because I looked about 5 years older than I was. In the 3rd…
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We’ll Always Have Paris, Wont We?
One of my biggest disappointments when I lived in Europe was the lack of time I got to spend in Paris. It was a disappointing whirl-wind of seeing virtually nothing. At the worst time of the year, we drove though, on our way to Angers. Now Angers was spectacular. What a magnificent city. It was…
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Cat in a Coal Mine
I have a cat, a lovely creature who came home with me from Europe. She even has her own passport! I love this creature for so many reasons, but I am also grateful to her for being the thing that triggered my alarm bell that something was very wrong. Back in the day, I was…
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Whats In A Number?
I don’t even know where to start. I feel sad when I hear words like “you shouldn’t be thinking about moving at your age.” You should be setting down roots…. You should be this and you should be that…. Essentially give up and wait to die. I didn’t sign up for that. Am I too…
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Ticket To Nowhere
When the Universe knocks, open the door. That’s always been a phrase that served me well. See the ‘Universe‘ or ‘divine intervention‘, or whatever you chose to call it has always been the predominant force in my life. Long before I understood the concept of being ‘present’, or before I was introduced to the idea…
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Big Cats and Chicken Meat
Society today has an interesting opinion on age, especially when it comes to dating. Older men and younger women is a pretty old concept. It’s a standard among all cultures. It is not a surprising event, men are capable of fathering children for their entire lives. Meanwhile us women have a very limited window to…
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Motivation is a Lie
I have a motivation issue. I really do. I am highly successful in everything I do. Nothing is a struggle for me. It never has been. Am I super smart? I don’t know. I don’t think so, I just love a challenge and I wont stop till I get my objective. But here’s the glitch….…
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A Versace Love Affair
Every woman has a signature. Something that encapsulates her perfectly. Typically this is a perfume, but some prefer a signature color, or style. For me it has always been Versace. I have a deep love for being discreet. I think sensuality is a woman’s greatest power, and making that a beautiful intimate thing is the…
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The Origin Story, How Invisible Love Letter Came to Be
In the beginning….. Well there was a stupid idea I had to start a blog. A hidden blog. Completely random. A place where I could vent my frustrations, say my thoughts, contemplate existence and yes write the occasional love letter. I have always been a fan of love letters. The charm and simplicity of something…
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Hand Grenades and Horseshoes
If you want to see a man dance, it’s pretty simple. Just throw that look, we know the one, that look that is the equivalent of throwing a hand grenade in his direction. Watch the chaos ensue as he realizes he fucked up. Now rarely have I ever reached deep into the subliminal arsenal and…
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Sex Please.
Sex. Lust. Love. Yeah, the title got you didnt it? So many people are so hung up about sex and all the words that surround it. Everyone has this certain level of uncomfortable but taboo desire to talk about it, do it, watch it…. I think I must be strange, I don’t share this taboo. …
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Magic 8 Ball, where are you?
So what’s stirring tonight….. Interesting question. No definitive answer. I feel like if I had a magic 8 ball, which I really wish I had one… it would say Outcome Uncertain. I feel like this is an open letter- but why? What’s the point? I do the same thing over and over and somehow expect…
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Missing Pieces
What is it that I miss? I miss everything. I miss all of it. I miss every good morning and every good night. Silly little things we take for granted. We never realize how important they are till they disappear from our lives. It’s almost a year now. A year since hearing someone say goodnight,…
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Burn After Reading
I know this is ridiculous, but can you relate the concept of having an unshakable feeling- something so deep to your core that nothing, no logic, no argument breaks it? Probably a stupid question to ask. I have a feeling so firm, so set, that I actually question my own sanity over it. All convention…